Forget everything I said: Sluseholmen cancels out all Danish efficiency

Danish efficiency is bollocks. I’m over it. Admiration has been replaced by frustration and wonder.

For almost a year, we’ve been living in the brand spankin’ new Sluseholmen neighborhood in Copenhagen SV.

It’s perfect in theory:

• Beautiful new building blocks surrounded by man-made canals, a la Amsterdam
• Stunning views over the water
• A street for shops (notice I say for, not with)
• Instant access to water in the summer – and heaven if you are a boat or kayak person
• 10 minute drive into central Copenhagen, and way closer to things that the Fields neighborhood

But in practice, it’s making me crazy:

• The digging is neverending. The lot of land in front of us appears to be used as a dirt transferring area. They bring dirt by the truckload, shift it around, and then take it away. This has been going on for months.
• The roads are wide enough for 2 cars to pass by each other, but that would be too easy. They’ve put up poles that barely fit one car, so there’s always a traffic jam. In a drunk and mad rage, someone knocked a few of them down, and they are sadly rolling around the street. Hilarious.
• The bridges are just a bit too narrow for 2 cars to pass. Again: traffic jams.
• IRMA finally arrived. Woo hoo. That and a tanning salon (which I’m told is a front for a drug dealing operation) is all we’ve got. A cafe seems nowhere in sight.
• There is nowhere to go except in circles. There was a little bit of land allowing us to easily cross our canal to get to the bridge over to Amager Faelled. The other day, they dug up that patch to let the water flow. Now we have to walk for about 10 minutes to make a trip that used to take 30 seconds. Ridiculous.
• All doors in our block weigh a ton (read: smack you in the arse on the way out) and require two hands to open: one for the handle and one for the lock, which is so close to the wall that you take off abit of skin every time you turn it. Awesome when it’s raining (it’s always raining) and you have to put all your nice leather bags on the ground and then try to lift your bags and make it through the door before is smacks you in the face.
• I still find men on my balcony. Yes, they come unannounced and hover outside the third-floor window. One minute you’re gazing out the window, and the next you are gazing into the eyes of a mud-covered stranger with a missing tooth or two. And they do absolutely nothing! Poke a few things, and then descend again. Always when you are half dressed and looking like crap.
• Every building has elevators that go down to the garage. Every building except ours, that is. So while our neighbors stay toasty, we have to take 2 elevators with a wet, rainy yard in between.

And those are my main complaints. The workers have stopped coming in (without knocking) to fix things while I’m in the shower. So that’s positive. Still, though, you’ve gotta be one happy person to enjoy all this.

People keep telling me it’ll be great in 10 years.

Yeah.